Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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