I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
