The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
