you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
