When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You did what with his pubic hair?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
