This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Houston, we have a squirter
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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