After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
