I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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