dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
