Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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