I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
