My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
