I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
