Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
