The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im holly from the hills drunk
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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