And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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