I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently you make a good broom.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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