I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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