Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
