Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
