i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
