need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
