Betty ford says i'm here all night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
