the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
