a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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