Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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