Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
