i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She needs sedatives and a leash
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
