I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
