Soap is not a condiment
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
