i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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