Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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