I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
