I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
