Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
