it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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