I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
