Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
