Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
