I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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