I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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