i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
