A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
