So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I deserve this hangover.
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