Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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