She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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