paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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