Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize