when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize