the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
