my phone cant type all the emotion im having
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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