Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
