worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
