my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
how drunk are you?
Several
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
