Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
