She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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