I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
And then he peed in my hair
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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