does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
