Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
