How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
