Whats the glycemic index on semen?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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