Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
