so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
