sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
