he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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