and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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