i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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