Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
