Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Randomize
