I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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