$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
