Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
