At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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