btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
